My experience seeing “The Worst Thing You Ever Did,” a play by Jennette McCurdy and Alex Wolff

My girlfriend came across an Instagram post by Jennette McCurdy advertising a small production of some new and mysterious theater performance called “The Worst Thing You Ever Did” which was to take place on July 8-9, 2024 at the Hudson theater in LA. We had both read Jennette McCurdy’s book within the last year, so we were rekindled fans of hers—we got tickets. It also was said to be starring Alex Wolff, who I know from The Naked Brothers Band (kids tv show) and Hereditary (horror film). The full description of the show read, “A play starring Jennette McCurdy and Alex Wolff about a woman with strange powers who meets a mysterious new neighbor.” oooOOOoOOOoOoOo haha alright.

The day comes. We arrive to the venue low on time and excitingly see the homies Jennette and Alex entering the venue on the side. We continue on and join the line outside. I start to think that, perhaps everyone attending the show is there because of the actors’ celebrity status over their actual skill or artistry. Clout goblins, if you will. I cannot say for sure, but it is no doubt these are popstars. So in this thinking, I was reminded that celebrities are just people, and I do not want to be swayed by status, ever. That’s my own personal philosophy, but I am not bothered if others enjoy the excitement of fame and status. When we are entering the building, they have us put our phones in a sealed bag, turned off. We have our bagged phones in our possession, but only they can open it after the show is done. It occurred to me that we were going to be one of the last ones seated, and these were unassigned seats. The show was sold out and now I’m hearing we are going to be placed in these extra seats they dust off and unfold from the closet—dang it. They ask for a party of two to be seated. That’s us! We were sat in the extra seats that were placed ON THE STAGE LEVEL (to the far right side) with the actual stadium-type seating escalating behind us. Only a mere 4 or 5 rows behind us, so it’s already an intimate theater, but the stage level seats made us feel a extra exposed in an exciting way. The stage setup was simple: stand-alone door (near us), couch (center), and a chair (farthest away on the left).

The lights dim. My face is hot with Red Bull flight power, and within seconds a single spotlight reveals Jennette McCurdy in the third dimension standing center stage giving us the exposition of the play’s narrative. Something like, “there’s a woman who is super scared of people and stays alone at her house all the time.” Spotlight fades. Queue normal stage lighting. A knock at the stand-alone door—Alex Wolff. He is playing a loud-talking dad character who is new to the neighborhood with his family. Or something, idek bro. From behind the door, he says, “My son and I made some banana bread and just wanted to give some to you as a gift as a greeting since we are new here!” Or something, I still don’t even know bro. She opens door, they interact, he waltzes inside, overstepping his welcome. She is all anxious and stand-offish. These characters are dumb so far. He tries to figure her out as to why she is all anxious and unwelcoming. “I think I know what the matter is!” And he used this word, “you are an anthropophobe!” Ok, no one has heard that word before. An uncommon word, I have to believe. Jennette’s character goes, “that’s right, you got it. I am a anthropophobe.” OH ok, so I guess this word is common in this world they are building for us. Huh. Well, considering Jennette’s publicly known struggle with mental health via her best-selling book, maybe she is looking to promote mental health awareness here. Ok, I’m open to hearing the message of that. I am open to just happily receive whatever they do.

Five minutes in, Jennette’s delivery on a line becomes faint and stops altogether, standing still, looking at Alex in front of her. This lengthy pause alerts me that this is a mistake. She seems to ask him for the next line under her breath, and he whispers something back. The whispering goes back and forth for another moment. I think to myself that this isn’t meant for me to see, and I have the urge to look away to give some sense of privacy to their moment, as if I’m not an audience member watching a show, which is impossible to do when I’m an audience member to their show. She says, “I can’t do this” a few times in a row, from a whisper at Alex, to then saying it much louder at the audience. As if she let a huge wave of defeat engulf her. It was a shocking moment that stiffened my body, but I quickly gathered myself. I then felt pretty confident they would just take 5, and resume or restart the show. But with hands pressed to her cheeks, she continued to panic at the audience about how she thinks she has to cancel the show, and how she should have never done this, and how she realizes she should never act again and wow wOW WOW slow down! During this moment, some excitement strikes me at the thought of the show cancelling, because then I would have time to go to Ameoba records before they close…. Meanwhile, Alex is just looking at her with very little ability to help calm her down. Then he begins to scramble and address the audience like a politician who’s getting booed, “guys, it’s all good, we are just gonna—,” Jennette interrupts him panicking, “It’s not all good! No! I’m so sorry, we will refund your tickets, I’m so sorry, I know parking in LA is also horrible, I’m so sorry!” And so on. Girl, just take 5! But this looks like a panic attack, which is very unfortunate for this moment.

The audience is silent and tense, and offers no help. Alex does not help her. The staff does not help her. I’m thinking, “She’s having a panic attack, guys, put away your notion of separation between you and a celebrity, this is a f’ing person.” My heart is pounding, but I manage to put up my hand calmly, she see’s me, and I and say “It’s ok—” and the audience breaks “YEAH, IT’S OK EHH…” Jennette responds, “No! But like!” She continues to scramble for another minute and the audience is back to silence as she does so. It is apparent my tiny message was stomped on by the audience and not received by Jennette. I feel very bad for her. She needs to slow down mentally. Alex is now swiftly walking around seemingly trying to find any staff or exit door, which should be the easiest task of all time, but he is failing. With a more meaningful message, I adjust myself forward for a moment and say, “Take your time” and the audience breaks out again, “YEAH, TAKE YOUR TIME, IT’S OK EHH…” The audience appears quite flustered and equally as helpless, and I’m apart of it.

Jennette CONTINUES to rap her infinite woes of this moment at the audience, panicking. In her flustered state, she blurts out something about how she was in a relationship with Alex Wolff, but just broke up because he was seeing another woman(?). It was too fast and chaotic for me to catch the details, because I’m trying to understand the real emotional disturbance happening in front of me. He angrily responds in front of her. She snaps back. They go on to say a LOT of vulgar, confusing, dramatic trash at each other. A bunch of lousy gossip that I don’t care about. I sink into my chair with failure and relief as I give up my efforts to calm the situation. I think to myself at this exact moment, “well maybe these dang celebrities really are messed up beyond my understanding…”

There is a brief pause. Alex is still pacing around. Jennette is looking like she’s silently stirring in her head. The chaos seems to settle as there’s more space within their conversation, still sort of yelling at each other from across the stage. Jennette is standing where she’s been the whole time, and Alex is moving around, nervously. I think to myself, “ahh ok, some brief peace from the arguing…wait what the f*** are we doing here? I know all the theater staff are around to help, and now Jennette is kind of just hanging out all relaxed like she’s the last one at a damn pool party, and what is Alex looking for??” Alex goes, “Michelle! Where’s Michelle?? Ah, this door won’t open. Isn’t that like a fire hazard or something?” And some audience laughs. WHY IS THAT FUNNY, GUYS, WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? Someone should just cancel the show already.

I notice a peculiar detail where Alex puts too much effort and grandiosity aimed at the audience in his response to something Jennette says. If he wanted to tell Jennette something, especially regarding intense personal drama, then why did he address the audience with it like a Shakespearean actor? OH F, they are still acting. This is apart of the play. This was planned all along. Huge embarrassment comes over me. Was it wrong of me to speak up? But she did address the audience prior to me interjecting. Did they WANT that to happen?? Was I the gullible bait for this strange plot point? Well, I don’t mind being gullible if it means helping someone who is struggling right in front of me. I feel used and ashamed that I was lied to. Dang it, but it is a play. I did sign up for this. Hmm. Ok what are they talking about now?

Jennette is now on the couch sitting with her feet up, hugging a pillow. Alex finds himself planking on the ground and moping around. I believe he said the phrase, “oh my god, I can’t believe this is happening” about 807 times in the rest of the show throughout their talk.

From that “pivotal moment” (as my girlfriend and I refer to it) where Jennette had her faked panic attack and derailed the play, the rest of the show was an improvised argument based on loose plot points that one of them might offer. But here’s my take on improvisation: unless you take great risks to develop the narrative, no deeper narrative will occur. It was obvious that the predetermined direction was very minimal, and they were stuck reiterating the same plot point for 50 minutes. No twists or turns. No risks. Instead, a bunch of parallel sprinklings about their supposed toxic relationship. These sprinklings were not collaborated on. Each point was impatiently stunted by the next. It seems they thought that the immature communication style and the shocking gossipy tid-bits would be enough to grab the audience. To me, it felt entirely dreadful and directionless. The irony is that their improvised characters had less depth than the dumb characters that started the show. I will admit, they were able to fill up 50 minutes of improvised arguing, which is something. And Jennette was able to cry on command a couple times. So I reckon that’s a skill. I personally would have enjoyed if those skills could be used in a more patient and tasteful way to develop a narrative, instead of “Aimless Emotional Manipulation, The Music-less Musical! Ta-Daa!” Because I felt the concept relied on emotionally manipulating the audience through lying, and not creative skill.

The final moment Jennette goes, “well, I actually feel better now,” which didn’t make sense from their conversation which had zero conclusions, “would you want to restart the play now?” Alex says sure, and the stage goes dark. And they were not to be seen by the audience again after that. A staff member steps out and says, “This was an experimental play. Due to the nature of it, please do not post about it until all shows have happened so other viewers can have the same experience as you. Thank you.” Clap clap. Walk out feeling emotionally used. Get phone unsealed from bag. I didn’t get any messages. Sees the dad from Wizards of Waverly Place taking photos with people. Gets photo with the dad of Wizards of Waverly Place. Nice guy, nice guy.

This was obviously a small production of an experimental improvisatory play. I don’t mean to be rude. These actors are just people, and I’m totally happy for anyone who accomplishes any creative endeavor. I do love that I got to experience something wild and unique. This experience has spurred so many interesting thoughts about art and improvisation and more. I am primarily bothered and uninterested by the base-level concept of this play.

If they did, indeed, have this intention, I do find it clever to play with the public perception of celebrities. That doesn’t change my overall opinion, though.

Lastly, some strange information. There were initially two nights of the show planned. Two more were added after selling out. Billie Eillish and her family were at the third show. The internet claims Jennette McCurdy ended that third show differently than the first two (“Hey Alex, let’s restart the show!”). Supposedly, she said she doesn’t want to act for REAL...sounds like the boy who cried Wolff. SLAM. TECHNO BEAT PLAYS. And the fourth show was cancelled. I am also curious as to the audience reactions of the other nights, but I guess I’ll have to be content with never really knowing.

Thanks for reading my experience!