Mixing A New Album

I had my morning (afternoon) coffee, but it isn’t enough! Red Bull Winter Edition is placed on my desk ready for absolute domination. I am currently mixing a new album. It has been a battle, but I quickly cut through the task at hand. Swinging my sword at the low mids of the drum recordings and having near psychedelic experiences by increasing the presence/high frequencies. This album is great, and feel I am on the home stretch of achieving the perfect sound. Incredible energy these days. So excited to finish this thang.

A Senryū (9/20/2024)

Found some energy

Three out of the four lightbulbs

Burnt out at purchase

My experience seeing “The Worst Thing You Ever Did,” a play by Jennette McCurdy and Alex Wolff

My girlfriend came across an Instagram post by Jennette McCurdy advertising a small production of some new and mysterious theater performance called “The Worst Thing You Ever Did” which was to take place on July 8-9, 2024 at the Hudson theater in LA. We had both read Jennette McCurdy’s book within the last year, so we were rekindled fans of hers—we got tickets. It also was said to be starring Alex Wolff, who I know from The Naked Brothers Band (kids tv show) and Hereditary (horror film). The full description of the show read, “A play starring Jennette McCurdy and Alex Wolff about a woman with strange powers who meets a mysterious new neighbor.” oooOOOoOOOoOoOo haha alright.

The day comes. We arrive to the venue low on time and excitingly see the homies Jennette and Alex entering the venue on the side. We continue on and join the line outside. I start to think that, perhaps everyone attending the show is there because of the actors’ celebrity status over their actual skill or artistry. Clout goblins, if you will. I cannot say for sure, but it is no doubt these are popstars. So in this thinking, I was reminded that celebrities are just people, and I do not want to be swayed by status, ever. That’s my own personal philosophy, but I am not bothered if others enjoy the excitement of fame and status. When we are entering the building, they have us put our phones in a sealed bag, turned off. We have our bagged phones in our possession, but only they can open it after the show is done. It occurred to me that we were going to be one of the last ones seated, and these were unassigned seats. The show was sold out and now I’m hearing we are going to be placed in these extra seats they dust off and unfold from the closet—dang it. They ask for a party of two to be seated. That’s us! We were sat in the extra seats that were placed ON THE STAGE LEVEL (to the far right side) with the actual stadium-type seating escalating behind us. Only a mere 4 or 5 rows behind us, so it’s already an intimate theater, but the stage level seats made us feel a extra exposed in an exciting way. The stage setup was simple: stand-alone door (near us), couch (center), and a chair (farthest away on the left).

The lights dim. My face is hot with Red Bull flight power, and within seconds a single spotlight reveals Jennette McCurdy in the third dimension standing center stage giving us the exposition of the play’s narrative. Something like, “there’s a woman who is super scared of people and stays alone at her house all the time.” Spotlight fades. Queue normal stage lighting. A knock at the stand-alone door—Alex Wolff. He is playing a loud-talking dad character who is new to the neighborhood with his family. Or something, idek bro. From behind the door, he says, “My son and I made some banana bread and just wanted to give some to you as a gift as a greeting since we are new here!” Or something, I still don’t even know bro. She opens door, they interact, he waltzes inside, overstepping his welcome. She is all anxious and stand-offish. These characters are dumb so far. He tries to figure her out as to why she is all anxious and unwelcoming. “I think I know what the matter is!” And he used this word, “you are an anthropophobe!” Ok, no one has heard that word before. An uncommon word, I have to believe. Jennette’s character goes, “that’s right, you got it. I am a anthropophobe.” OH ok, so I guess this word is common in this world they are building for us. Huh. Well, considering Jennette’s publicly known struggle with mental health via her best-selling book, maybe she is looking to promote mental health awareness here. Ok, I’m open to hearing the message of that. I am open to just happily receive whatever they do.

Five minutes in, Jennette’s delivery on a line becomes faint and stops altogether, standing still, looking at Alex in front of her. This lengthy pause alerts me that this is a mistake. She seems to ask him for the next line under her breath, and he whispers something back. The whispering goes back and forth for another moment. I think to myself that this isn’t meant for me to see, and I have the urge to look away to give some sense of privacy to their moment, as if I’m not an audience member watching a show, which is impossible to do when I’m an audience member to their show. She says, “I can’t do this” a few times in a row, from a whisper at Alex, to then saying it much louder at the audience. As if she let a huge wave of defeat engulf her. It was a shocking moment that stiffened my body, but I quickly gathered myself. I then felt pretty confident they would just take 5, and resume or restart the show. But with hands pressed to her cheeks, she continued to panic at the audience about how she thinks she has to cancel the show, and how she should have never done this, and how she realizes she should never act again and wow wOW WOW slow down! During this moment, some excitement strikes me at the thought of the show cancelling, because then I would have time to go to Ameoba records before they close…. Meanwhile, Alex is just looking at her with very little ability to help calm her down. Then he begins to scramble and address the audience like a politician who’s getting booed, “guys, it’s all good, we are just gonna—,” Jennette interrupts him panicking, “It’s not all good! No! I’m so sorry, we will refund your tickets, I’m so sorry, I know parking in LA is also horrible, I’m so sorry!” And so on. Girl, just take 5! But this looks like a panic attack, which is very unfortunate for this moment.

The audience is silent and tense, and offers no help. Alex does not help her. The staff does not help her. I’m thinking, “She’s having a panic attack, guys, put away your notion of separation between you and a celebrity, this is a f’ing person.” My heart is pounding, but I manage to put up my hand calmly, she see’s me, and I and say “It’s ok—” and the audience breaks “YEAH, IT’S OK EHH…” Jennette responds, “No! But like!” She continues to scramble for another minute and the audience is back to silence as she does so. It is apparent my tiny message was stomped on by the audience and not received by Jennette. I feel very bad for her. She needs to slow down mentally. Alex is now swiftly walking around seemingly trying to find any staff or exit door, which should be the easiest task of all time, but he is failing. With a more meaningful message, I adjust myself forward for a moment and say, “Take your time” and the audience breaks out again, “YEAH, TAKE YOUR TIME, IT’S OK EHH…” The audience appears quite flustered and equally as helpless, and I’m apart of it.

Jennette CONTINUES to rap her infinite woes of this moment at the audience, panicking. In her flustered state, she blurts out something about how she was in a relationship with Alex Wolff, but just broke up because he was seeing another woman(?). It was too fast and chaotic for me to catch the details, because I’m trying to understand the real emotional disturbance happening in front of me. He angrily responds in front of her. She snaps back. They go on to say a LOT of vulgar, confusing, dramatic trash at each other. A bunch of lousy gossip that I don’t care about. I sink into my chair with failure and relief as I give up my efforts to calm the situation. I think to myself at this exact moment, “well maybe these dang celebrities really are messed up beyond my understanding…”

There is a brief pause. Alex is still pacing around. Jennette is looking like she’s silently stirring in her head. The chaos seems to settle as there’s more space within their conversation, still sort of yelling at each other from across the stage. Jennette is standing where she’s been the whole time, and Alex is moving around, nervously. I think to myself, “ahh ok, some brief peace from the arguing…wait what the f*** are we doing here? I know all the theater staff are around to help, and now Jennette is kind of just hanging out all relaxed like she’s the last one at a damn pool party, and what is Alex looking for??” Alex goes, “Michelle! Where’s Michelle?? Ah, this door won’t open. Isn’t that like a fire hazard or something?” And some audience laughs. WHY IS THAT FUNNY, GUYS, WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE? Someone should just cancel the show already.

I notice a peculiar detail where Alex puts too much effort and grandiosity aimed at the audience in his response to something Jennette says. If he wanted to tell Jennette something, especially regarding intense personal drama, then why did he address the audience with it like a Shakespearean actor? OH F, they are still acting. This is apart of the play. This was planned all along. Huge embarrassment comes over me. Was it wrong of me to speak up? But she did address the audience prior to me interjecting. Did they WANT that to happen?? Was I the gullible bait for this strange plot point? Well, I don’t mind being gullible if it means helping someone who is struggling right in front of me. I feel used and ashamed that I was lied to. Dang it, but it is a play. I did sign up for this. Hmm. Ok what are they talking about now?

Jennette is now on the couch sitting with her feet up, hugging a pillow. Alex finds himself planking on the ground and moping around. I believe he said the phrase, “oh my god, I can’t believe this is happening” about 807 times in the rest of the show throughout their talk.

From that “pivotal moment” (as my girlfriend and I refer to it) where Jennette had her faked panic attack and derailed the play, the rest of the show was an improvised argument based on loose plot points that one of them might offer. But here’s my take on improvisation: unless you take great risks to develop the narrative, no deeper narrative will occur. It was obvious that the predetermined direction was very minimal, and they were stuck reiterating the same plot point for 50 minutes. No twists or turns. No risks. Instead, a bunch of parallel sprinklings about their supposed toxic relationship. These sprinklings were not collaborated on. Each point was impatiently stunted by the next. It seems they thought that the immature communication style and the shocking gossipy tid-bits would be enough to grab the audience. To me, it felt entirely dreadful and directionless. The irony is that their improvised characters had less depth than the dumb characters that started the show. I will admit, they were able to fill up 50 minutes of improvised arguing, which is something. And Jennette was able to cry on command a couple times. So I reckon that’s a skill. I personally would have enjoyed if those skills could be used in a more patient and tasteful way to develop a narrative, instead of “Aimless Emotional Manipulation, The Music-less Musical! Ta-Daa!” Because I felt the concept relied on emotionally manipulating the audience through lying, and not creative skill.

The final moment Jennette goes, “well, I actually feel better now,” which didn’t make sense from their conversation which had zero conclusions, “would you want to restart the play now?” Alex says sure, and the stage goes dark. And they were not to be seen by the audience again after that. A staff member steps out and says, “This was an experimental play. Due to the nature of it, please do not post about it until all shows have happened so other viewers can have the same experience as you. Thank you.” Clap clap. Walk out feeling emotionally used. Get phone unsealed from bag. I didn’t get any messages. Sees the dad from Wizards of Waverly Place taking photos with people. Gets photo with the dad of Wizards of Waverly Place. Nice guy, nice guy.

This was obviously a small production of an experimental improvisatory play. I don’t mean to be rude. These actors are just people, and I’m totally happy for anyone who accomplishes any creative endeavor. I do love that I got to experience something wild and unique. This experience has spurred so many interesting thoughts about art and improvisation and more. I am primarily bothered and uninterested by the base-level concept of this play.

If they did, indeed, have this intention, I do find it clever to play with the public perception of celebrities. That doesn’t change my overall opinion, though.

Lastly, some strange information. There were initially two nights of the show planned. Two more were added after selling out. Billie Eillish and her family were at the third show. The internet claims Jennette McCurdy ended that third show differently than the first two (“Hey Alex, let’s restart the show!”). Supposedly, she said she doesn’t want to act for REAL...sounds like the boy who cried Wolff. SLAM. TECHNO BEAT PLAYS. And the fourth show was cancelled. I am also curious as to the audience reactions of the other nights, but I guess I’ll have to be content with never really knowing.

Thanks for reading my experience!

Accessing Future You

Envision yourself old and wise at the end of your life looking back in reflection of your experiences. Imagine the absolute security, confidence, and love you feel knowing you’ve made it through everything you’ve ever experienced: all the lows and highs of a lifetime. It turns out you were always built to handle the extremes of life that have been thrown your way. And the extremes are not seen as extreme anymore, they are now seen as equal to every other moment of your lived experience. And they are all beautiful experiences. It turns out everyone has always been your friend, despite all the challenges: communication, maintaining your physical body, handling pain, etc. And you are grateful for the challenges, because without the challenges, you wouldn’t have been able to develop the wisdom and connection you have earned through determination and perseverance. This wisdom has led you to shed your worries, misperceptions, and mental constructs. You understand that you have been unbelievably resilient, and that no experience has ever truly threatened your love of life. You are grateful for life, and you understand that there is only life and love and nothing else. You have created your own unique and beautiful path by taking an active role in your life, prioritizing your well-being and other’s well-being. And with that, you were always able to achieve your goals. You are proud of the goals you set for yourself. You accomplished your heart’s desire, made wonderful connections in the process, and always found what worked best for you by staying in touch with yourself. The warmth of love that singularly connects us all creates infinite space in your mind and heart. A shared space for all to thrive and succeed!

Access the infinite space of love where no worldly hinderances exist, and set upon your largest goals! You will succeed.

WHAT AM I DOING

I’ll tell you what I’m doing :D

I’m working on an incredibly important personal project. I’ve been conceptualizing this music for a few months now, striving towards something extraordinarily pure. I have it in me to create something absolutely incredible, it feels. To let you in on some details, the first iteration of this album I wanted to make was a Suite with four movements. And while I was able to write all the music for it and perform it in its entirety, the final product was not pure enough. It deviated from the original goal which I need to stick to. The demo Suite seemed to be too many things at once. As if each movement wanted to be two movements. I desire something more PURE. This demo was confusing! So after letting this info sink in over the course of a few days, I realized my random idea of a Suite was incompatible with Thee Concept. I want one thing to be one thing, not a suite that is ten things. Minimal. Simple. Raw. I desire something SUPER EXTREME.

The updated plan is to create this music as a simple album with disconnected songs. I can now focus on one song at a time without concern for how the whole album will sound together.

This music is difficult, and I want that. It is challenging to play and takes a moment for the listener to accommodate themselves to the energy of it. I know this because I have recorded two songs now. The first one was the first piece of music I wrote for any of this. The way it came about was a very content guitar session. I just wanted to play guitar and the music came out. I did not need it to reveal itself, and so it consequently did! Wonderful how being relaxed will yield the best results. The first song is exactly what I wanted it to be. It was so thrilling that I immediately wrote and recorded another song. I have mapped out on the computer all the intense time signatures and tempos for these songs.

Today, I will work on the next song which has a different style to it. It’s supposed to represent something a little different than the first two, yet still remaining pure. There are many questions I have for this song as I create the final version today. The main rule I need to follow with this song is to stay within its own boundaries. This song has to be one thing—pure. I need to limit its range of energy in order to embrace what is already there. It is already a gem, and I seek to unearth the whole gem, not to add a second dirty gem to the picture!

I will meditate now, maybe read more of the book The Road, have half a Celsius drink, and get to it. But I never stick to plans, so who knows. The plan doesn’t actually matter, the music is always in reach. I don’t need a witch’s spell to just open up Logic Pro on my laptop. I’m also impulsively interested in buying a horror game for Nintendo Switch like Outlast or Amnesia, so maybe the witch can help me buy those, too! yay!

Last bit—my relationship with pain is changing. Performing can be intense and I do NOT want to be distracted, especially by some temporary pain in my shoulder or something. I realized these pains cause me to think there is something wrong! I am doing something wrong! I must help myself and wiggle out of the pain! So then I become horribly distracted and spiral away from the music. The conclusion is that I can exist with the pain. I can allow it to be there. I do not have the mental bandwidth to mend my pain and perform this music simultaneously. I relax and allow it to be. And I return to the sound of the music.

I Heart Book + ELE

I attempted to write a blog post a month ago, but I was in the process of weaning off my allergy medication which left my brain agitated so I didn’t finish it. The unused draft finished with, “good god, I am so unfocused right now.”

But here we are now! 11:30 pm on a Tuesday, ah yes peak energy…great. I am feeling incredibly uplifted right now because I just finished a book called Authority, the second book of the Southern Reach Trilogy. The ending was so GRIPPING, I am ecstatic. I always check myself on this feeling when finishing a book, though. I can’t tell if I am SO uplifted because the weight of finishing this book has been lifted off my shoulders. The illusion of upward movement when ceasing downward movement. Like when taking a hike and seeing the ground move towards you for so long that when you stop, the ground looks like it’s still moving towards you. Or literally like weight resistance training, when a baseball player uses a weight on the bat, removing it before their turn at home plate. I will use this excitement to propel me into the next thicket of a book.

I released an album called ELE, short for electronic. It consists of a bunch of electronic music experiments I made in these past few months. One little story comes to mind: The creation of the song POP TEA SHOPPE SPEAKER. I am really good at treating myself to wonderful things like tea/boba/energy drinks/candy/mac n cheese/chocolate/etc, and this specific night I visited my local boba shop at night which was playing pop music over the speakers. I was unexpectedly very into that music, and wanted to make better pop music, myself. Something so easily accessible, with maybe the slightest little unique and attractive flair in the songwriting. The thing about pop, is that it is the lowest common denominator simplicity in order for it to be popular and resonate with the most people. Sorry. It’s a business after all, more listeners, more money. Haha… “I make popular music.” So when I hear this pop music, I cannot help but begin creatively thinking how I might’ve expanded upon it. So I got my caffeine and tapioca, and went home straight to the synth. Makin beats yuh yuh skrt skrt stop. And I wanted to make the simplest little melody…but I couldn’t help myself! I kept taking it further and further! The melody quickly evolves into a poly-rhythmical, atonal assault in the guise of cute synth sound teehee. Atonal assault is an exaggeration. Anyway, the caffeine must have gotten to me, and the pop song inspo soon became the launch pad for a therapeutic audio math riddle with no answer. LOVE IIIIIIIT.

Speaking of therapeutic, the song CARTWHEELS was a wonderful creative process. I performed it live on my synth (ASM Hydrasynth explorer FYI). I recall I had no intention of recording, I just wanted to sit with very soft tones. I came across the two parts of that song in my exploration and needed to capture it. So I did. In hindsight, it seems too long for the listener, so you are welcome to skip it after a few minutes haha. But the length was purely for my own benefit of hearing it on loop. Being drawn into that wonderful meditative state a musician might reach when playing music.

I’ve been understanding how such a state is cultivated. I believe the key is entering the music creation with no needs. No attachment. Sit back, relax, I am already content. Be honest with yourself; play the notes you wish to hear. It’s a mental state that is reflected in the music played. Tuning the vessel (you) to explore what is within that frequency. I sound like a hippie. So hip. OK GET THIS DUDE! If you tune your vessel to a frequency that is NEEDING TO FIND SOMETHING, you will never find anything, because you’ve established that your goal is NEEDING. And it will be reflected in your art. This has happened with me, at least. I have found myself unsatisfied because of the pressure I am working from. The pressure of needing to do something great...probably from social pressure or money-related anxieties—very human of me, I reckon. hugs self awww cute. Anyway, I’d rather be in the mindset of having just heard something great, then creating from there. That would probably result in creating something great. I think the worst feeling is THINKING about the notes you played a second ago that didn’t sound good to you. So I just stop thinking altogether.

I am breaking this mental habit I’ve created for myself: thinking that things are HARD! Oh, nah, it’s actually easy. There’s no deep layering of unpredictable hellscapes beneath the surface that I should endlessly prepare myself for. It’s just surface. Paper thin surface. Lovely. Imagine silly Satan blocking my way on the sidewalk swiping through tiktok as if he has something to do. I say, “scuse me.” “Oh sorry.” And I keep struttin! It wasn’t Satan, it was just your local gym manager doing weekly meal prep on an abacus! This stream of consciousness is out of hand. Thanks for reading. Goodnight.

Second Entry, bruv

Ah jeeze, there were a few spelling errors in the last blog post…so embracing!!! Anyway. More developments in my creative projects.

The metal EP, which originally was going to be three metal songs and one piano composition, has faded away in my mind. My full effort is going to the acoustic guitar/singing album. I shouldn’t even say “effort.” I’m just simply more interested in this group of compositions, which have been wonderfully crystallizing into very pure songs.

Letting my work fade away is a pattern. I am not ashamed of it, though. It is because the exciting part for me is the creative process, and once the writing and recording have been completed, the rest of the process CAN FEEL less creative and more functional. The creative part is most exciting for me. I need to remind myself that there is creativity to be had in every step of the process. You also have the option of pursuing the driest, most functional process possible. Don’t do that unless you want to sound like 90% of what is already out there. It takes effort to be creative—allow yourself the effort, just to see what happens.

This metal EP is now added to a folder called “IRADWO experiments,” or something like that. I checked in with this folder, lo and beHOLD UP QUEEN, there are like ~20 very intriguing recordings from the past 6 months! Nothing I ever intended on releasing, just experiments. In the same way that I return to my acoustic songs with fresh ears on the voice memos app to re-evaluate, I listened to these forgotten experiments. I like them! But I don’t know what any of it is. It is many things. One song is just a weird synth sound for less than a minute, but it is so intriguing. You’re in, Weird Synth Song. There are a few black metal songs with poor double-kick drumming (I am getting better). I recall this experiment was to test my tremolo picking speed, to see if I can hold my own against the big boys of speedy pickin’. I love it! You’re in, Speedy Pickin’. To conclude this thought, I am going to try to finish these recordings, and release them as a sort of compilation album. For the cover, I usually would do an acrylic painting with intense motions and splattering. But recently, I have taken an interest in watercolor: another medium to explore and experiment! So, I figure it would make perfect sense to have one of my watercolor paintings as the cover of this experiments album. I am hesitant to even tell anyone about this release. A post about it on instagram wouldn’t even get attention unless I summoned the bots or do a reveal of some kind. Ah, that’s it! It will be an ~a l b u m r e v e a l~!!!…Do you see these hurdles I create for myself? So much wasted time—hilarious.

The acoustic album has developed in concept, too! The core of this project is the minimal, and highly effective nature of these compositions. Perfectly concise songs. This is a thought of mine that built up like a Jenga tower, with Ryuichi Sakamoto ending the game of Jenga with a full-force swing of a baseball bat. I have been so inspired with Sakamoto in the same way I was with Mozart months back. This is my key take-away: YOU HAVE SAID ENOUGH. For someone who loves to nervously fill the air with sound, whether it comes from my mouth or guitar, this has been huge for me. A melody may have its expected ending, or it may end with an exciting unexpected shift in scale. But to simply stop! Allowing that space to be the final punctuation of a phrase! Embracing (or should I say embarrassing—callback to my opener) the simplicity, yet conveying something so complex. It’s wonderful. In my improvisations, I might find myself trying to cover all grounds, saying it all so I can get my point across. BOO! This does not help me understand, it only overwhelms and confuses the message! You were given a pure crystal and created a hot dog! No! (Reading this back, I am unsure if that will make sense to people…) To conclude THIS thought, I am expanding the limitations on this project, because all I want to accomplish is highly purposeful expression. So any instrument, any style, as long as it is minimal and effective. (Cut to me performing a vocal solo screaming for 2 minutes. I’LL DO IT, I DON’T EVEN CARE. Haha.)

Performance anxiety comes from over-valuing your performance. So overly attached that the smallest details are inflated to be as important as the main message! Good God, and you may have 100 details to support the main message. “If I mess up a single detail, the main message will fail!” Great, and wrong. Now you have 101 main messages to perform. Way to make it impossible for yourself.

There is a beautiful sweet spot of focus during a performance where you are locked in, yet released from expectations. In other words, enjoying the music. That is all you have to do to perform well.

A slip in focus happened just today while recording piano: “it is now recording, ok. Oh boy heh. *gulp* Um shoot, where to I put my fingers again?” NO! The reason you’ve been practicing it perfectly for an hour prior is because you were listening to the music, not because you are hyper-focused on finger placement. In my experience, the moment you start thinking about yourself, you are prone to slipping focus, because you are no longer thinking about the music. Yet, this happens often, because I have Silly Human Brain Syndrome (not a real syndrome). So quickly get back in the flow of loving the music, no worries about your slip of focus, you can still have a perfect performance and slip. Actually, maybe slipping isn’t real. Your mind will just notice things. It’s normal. Relax, and connect to the sound.

Lastly, I have come to the realization yet again, that being creative does not mean doing something original. Originality will happen naturally through exploration and following your gut. Doing what you uniquely want to do. In my opinion, “creativity” is just a fun word for “make stuff.” There are no secret criteria such as, “it needs to be better than your favorite artist’s work, yet accessible enough so your grandma doesn’t get angry at you for being edgy.” The biggest challenge for me in being creative, is setting time aside for myself to be creative. Once I’m there, I just do something and see how it makes me feel. (Cut to me performing a vocal solo screaming for 2 minutes. “Ow, my throat.” Cut to me practicing scream vocals in my car for the next two years. Cut to me forgetting my car door window is rolled down and I accidentally verbally launch a sewer system of gargling screams at my local sheriff. Cut to me getting pulled over to find out my local sheriff is a huge fan of Cannibal Corpse and gives me donut as reward for my secret two years of practice screaming. Cut to me pulling over in a panic, because that gift donut I ate was made with soybean oil, in which I am allergic. Cut to me feeling poorly for half a day, then feeling better enough to try vocal screams again. Cut to me perfecting my vocal scream, because the residual pain in my allergy-attacked gut motivated me to use my diaphragm differently which allowed me a PERFECT SCREAM! Cut to me re-recording the scream song and releasing it on bandcamp to be discovered by deceased jazz legend Miles Davis. Cut to Miles Davis emailing me “can you scream in swing time?” Cut to me emailing deceased Miles Davis “woO miles dAvis, waitttt what.” Cut to me waking up from a weird donut-induced dream. Cut to me never remembering this dream ever again and I am actually the cop the whOLE TIME YOU’RE UNDER ARREST.) And feeling things is cool, so I implore you do make stuff.

First Entry, bruv

Here is where I am at right now. I wrote 100 songs in the last few months, and I’ve whittled it down to 17 that I wish to record. I’ve committed to the style of acoustic guitar + vocals, hopefully recorded live in one take—sometimes a daunting task if I only finalized the written song in the same day. 17 is a lot, and maybe should be split into two releases. For my own sense of progress, and for the enjoyment of the listener; if a project is too large, the core essence of the album is prone to being watered down. Especially for myself, whose style rapidly changes. I used to ruin my own songs by trying to make one song 10 different things (less impactful). Now, my goal is to understand the core of what I am trying to accomplish, and work towards that with every decision. Making 10 songs one thing; a concise album! The message is clear in an album like Immutable by Meshuggah or Dark Side of the Moon imo. The excitement (and maybe intense nervousness leading to procrastination, or vice versa) comes from exploring this ONE concept you wish to create from. It is also a practice of understanding yourself to create genuine self-expression. “How do I feel?…I feel so incredibly happy that I wanna go buy a car and gift it to the CEO of Ralph’s for the sole reason of how I am FEELING!” So make punchy, high-energy sounds with the instrument you want to play! Or, “I feel so low and frazzled that I cannot bare to concern myself with anything faster than a snail’s pace.” So make spacious drone music with the instrument you want to play! For me, the perfect explanation of self-expression is DO WHAT YOU WANT.

As of two days ago, what I wanted to do was NOT to work on my 17 acoustic songs, it was to make challenging, high-energy, hard-hitting, throw-you-off-your-feet-and-into-a-batmobile music! So I scat-vocalized and recorded three songs, improvising intense rhythms and grooves to a metronome. Then immediately recorded the drums to the scat-voc’s. Yesterday, I replaced the vocal demo with real guitars and came out wonderfully. The entire song was created and recorded in less than an hour of work, and it’s one of my favorite things I’ve made. There are two more songs in that style to record guitars and bass to. I also composed a short piano piece that I wish to put on the 4-song EP. And I’m doing that because it excites me. It excites the me that is alone and centered, without any external validation needed. This is MY expression, not yours. Otherwise it’d be your expression, and expressing you is not my job. I am aggressive in this stance, because I’ve experienced that art is lessened when the desire of the audience is foremost in the mind of the artist.

With 1/4 songs completed for this heavy metal EP, I am inspired to potentially add more songs to this. Because with this achievement of song 1, I can’t help but think that if I allowed myself more time to sit on these original scat-demos, would I be able to convey the core of this music even better? So as an experiment, I might create another demo tonight, and rework it until it is undeniably incredible. The process of finding golf is mining for hours until you find a nugget…might as well enjoy the sifting process while you’re at it. Without sifting, there is no gold. Unless you trip and fall into gold, which has happened to, but not something to bet on. Erwi erwi dj scratch sounds. G’day.